And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
