just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How naked do you want me to be?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
