Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This can only be settled by a dance off.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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