they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have aggressive nipples.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
