I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize