At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
