you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
