I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
