Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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