that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
