Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
