i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
