We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
