He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
