a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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