those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
