So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
