Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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