You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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