dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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