I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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