I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
