If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bring me that man meat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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