dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
