you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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