I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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