just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
