we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
