Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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