can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
