Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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