Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i've created a new STD.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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