just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
