I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
