He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
