Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize