drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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