Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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