We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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