guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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