I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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