it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize