She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So. Much. Porn.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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