I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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