I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
