His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
