I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
