he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
