Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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