It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
