ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you had me at cake vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
