You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
