i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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