i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
