My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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