I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
