he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
