Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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