your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
