It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
