Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
