her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
