I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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