wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
