Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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