Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
