just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
