I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
