I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
