Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
