there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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