worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
