I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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