I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
