I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
