I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
