i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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