Will you blow on my dice?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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