Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
