So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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