No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
