There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
