A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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