he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
