between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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