i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
