dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize