I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
