Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
