Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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