is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
